sLeEp

Before I had a baby, I imagined that baby sleep was, well, easy. After all, isn't the expression, "sleeping like a baby?" Well, in my opinion, whoever coined that expression obviously did not have children. Yes, babies sleep often, but their sleep cycles are short; they get hungry easily; they can be easily affected by changes in environment, etc.
I thought Lillian's naps and bedtimes would go something like the lyrics to the Beatles' Golden Slumbers:

Golden slumbers,
Fill your eyes
Smiles await you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling
Do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby.

It's a beautiful song, but I quickly learned that just because "golden slumbers" were filling her eyes did not necessarily mean that she would fall asleep easily or here's the kicker--stay asleep. I never imagined how much of my thought process and waking hours (ha, the irony) sleep would consume.
I have spent more time worrying about sleep, thinking about sleep and planning out sleep routines in the last five months than probably anything else. In the B.L. days (Before Lillian), I never imagined myself doing complex calculations to ensure a proper wake:sleep ratio--both of which are, of course, directly tied to her eating. If sweet girl is tired at all, she will not eat. Period. Thus I have to catch her right after sleep times because if she doesn't eat then, she will be too hungry to fall back asleep later...it's a vicious cycle!
I pictured myself as a stay at home mom, blissfully unconcerned with the passage of time. "Why, you're home already, dear? Where did the day go?" Instead, I watch the clock like a hawk in order to fit in the correct amount of naps, feeding sessions, and tummy time adventures, to name a few. Often I am all too aware of the arrival of 5-6 p.m. hour, at which point the kiddos and I are very excited about greeting Daddy. Sullivan practically bounds through the glass every afternoon when Thomas arrives on the front porch.
We are learning, though. All of us. Lillian now sleeps unswaddled and pacifier free at night. The first three nights of this were pretty rough (read: sadness all around), but last night baby girl went from 8pm-6:15am with only a few minutes of crying initially and nary a peep afterwards. Some serious prayers of thanksgiving went up in the Grooms household. I hate listening to her cry, all alone in her crib, but we got to the point where she was unable to fall back asleep without our help (fun fact: baby sleep cycles are 45 minutes long). This started to entail re-swaddling her every hour, reinserting the pacifier frequently and nursing her to sleep when nothing else worked. It was not sustainable. When nighttime parenting starts to affect daytime parenting, something has to give. While I would jump through fire for this little one, both Thomas and I recognized that we weren't doing her any favors by making her completely dependent on us. She just needed to learn how she could put herself to sleep (and back to sleep) during those light sleeping hours. And hallelujah, we are getting there!

My apologies to those of you whom I put to sleep with this post. Just some thoughts that have been swirling around in my head that some of you might appreciate. And here's a picture from her first week of life for those of you who skipped reading the post and just wanted to see L.